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Sometimes You Need a Crazy Guy

2010 May 25
by Pamela

Yesterday was a no good, awful, wretched day. It was 80 degrees and sunny, without a single cloud in sight. We had nothing we had to do and nowhere we had to go. Friends were coming over to play, dinner was already prepared, everyone was healthy.

The only problem was me.

I had taken some time to look presentable, donning a sundress, strappy sandals, and the prettiest long necklace with a filigree gold leaf charm. The girls and I sat on the porch to read our devotional and enjoy the sunshine. Mary Claire asked me a question and as I was answering her Elizabeth reached up and snapped the gold leaf in half.

It wasn’t an expensive necklace, it had no great sentimental value. But tears sprung into my eyes instantly. Mary Claire gave me a hug and stroked my cheek telling me everything would be okay. Then she disappeared into the house and returned with the scotch tape dispenser and a towel. Delicately, she put the leaf back together with a smattering of tape, patting it down with a towel “to make it stick”.

Two phone calls with slightly annoying news followed, necessitating a total change of plans, my plans, for the rest of the week. And that was it for me. The voice inside my head had plenty to say:

No one appreciates you.

You can’t have anything nice. Why even bother trying?

You are all alone with no one to depend on.

I will never need her again, she has let me down so many times.

If I hear “Mommy I want a….” one more time I’m going to run away from home.

They would only miss me because I’m the only one who cooks around here.

Can’t anyone just give me a break? Some silence?


Nothing horrible happened yesterday. But what I said to myself about the events catapulted me into a swamp of poo. Where I resigned myself to wallow in, poor me, for the rest of the day.

I was a great big barrel of joy to be around, let me assure you.

After the girls went to bed at 9 p.m. on the nose and fell asleep instantly, I decided that I was LEAVING THE HOUSE. Surely the fact I’d been home all day and night was the problem. Just a little change in scenery was all I needed.

So I unrolled the car windows and drove to where any self-pitying girl goes when the mall is closed: McDonald’s. On the way home, piping hot fries stuffed in my mouth, I notice a car in my rear view mirror tailgating me, dangerously so. Check my speed, I’m doing the speed limit and I’m in the slow lane. Pulling onto our street the car does too. So I pull over and the driver flips me off, screeching his tires and he drives like 80 mph up his own driveway.

Now any woman with an ounce of intelligence would have driven away, but you remember I was out for my Pity Party and this guy was ruining it. So I layed on my horn as I drove by his house. That’ll show him, I thought smugly. It sure did. He barrelled out of his driveway going 80 mph, pulled up next to me at the stop sign and started swearing at me, leering “Let’s go, get out of your car and let’s go!” Add lots of expletives into that sentence for full effect.

“I’m a 35 year old MOTHER. What is wrong with you?”

Apparently there is no reply a 20 year old can think of when challenging an old lady to a fist fight. His girlfriend apologized to me and they drove away. Between the massive adrenaline rush from dealing with Crazy Guy, the relief that it ended safely and knowing God protected me from my stupidity, I came home chuckling and feeling lighter than I had all day. Don’t ask me why.

One Response leave one →
  1. Tarah permalink
    September 15, 2010

    lol… ugh, I’m so glad I’m not the only one.

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