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Pregnancy Update: 40 Weeks, 3 Days

2011 February 13
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by Pamela

Or the alternate title:  This Really Is Never Going To End

So this baby, the baby who I am POSITIVE has the right due date, apparently never got the memo.  My friend Tammie speculated that it’s because I’m feeding her too well in there.  Who wants to subsist on mother’s milk when you can have potato pancakes and seafood stuffed shells (thanks Bob), bread galore, cupcakes, lemon bars (thanks Ellen), and Sander’s hot fudge cream puffs (thanks Chris and Tamora)?

Wow, it takes a village to feed me.  And I think Tammie is right.

I delivered Mary Claire two days early and Elizabeth two days late.  But I don’t remember having any anxiety about being late with Elizabeth.  This time I’m pretty nervous, mostly because I am worried about the ticking time bomb of being induced that is hanging over my head.  Wednesday at 2 p.m. is D-day if my body won’t cooperate sooner.

I’m praying my body will cooperate sooner. 

In the meantime I’m trying to keep busy because whenever I rest, I worry.  Sleeping is also a great diversion for me, except that I’m starting to have weird dreams again.  Last night I dreamt about a lot of people who used to be an important part of my life and aren’t anymore.  Each one of the people had vibrant green eyes, even though they don’t in real life.  But the weird, weird part is that the soles of their feet were also green.

My 10th grade typing teacher used to say that you should never share your dreams with people because they reveal too much about yourself.  If green soles reveal too much about me, I don’t know what it is.

The other reason I keep getting worried is that I am kind of a chicken about pain.  I don’t like pain and try to avoid it at all costs.  The bad thing about childbirth is there is no getting around the pain:  you have to go right through it.  Last night before I fell asleep I was assessing the impending birth and decided that I definitely didn’t want to have another baby.  Which is a problematic conclusion considering my current state.  My ob tells me that I am one of the “lucky ones” because I have contractions without feeling them (according to the non-stress tests) and dilate so far without pain.  This is called “silent labor” and only 3% of the population has it.  I know that I am blessed with good pregnancies and births, but it is still a scary place to be, this hanging off the side of the cliff. 

I was thinking about all this during church today and started getting really anxious.  Just then a sweet little baby started cooing a few rows ahead of me and God used her little voice to settle the raging one inside me.   I am going to hold a baby, our baby, in a matter of days.  I am going to meet her, fall in love with her, and she is going to complete our family.  She is going to turn our world upside down, disrupt the equilibrium I strive so hard to maintain, and cause our hearts to burst with love and joy.

I am making the decision to ride that wave, to live in the moment, and to be fully present – as best as a sleep-deprived mama of three can be – and to enjoy it all.

And I’m meditating on this:  God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.  2 Tim. 1:7

Now I’m going to make some peach cobbler.  Let the carb fest continue.

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5 Responses leave one →
  1. jenny baugh permalink
    February 13, 2011

    Maybe she just wants to be a birthday buddy with Phillip. His birthday is tomorrow. :)

    • Pamela permalink*
      February 13, 2011

      Aww, we’d share Valentine babies! I’ll see what I can do!

  2. Karina H permalink
    February 13, 2011

    Pamela-

    Our household is praying for yours. We love you guys and are excited to meet the youngest Wright girl. We trust that God will handle anxiety you are having and help deliver the memo to the baby that life outside is just as great as it is on the inside. Please do not hesitaate to call if you need anything…and we mean it :-)

  3. February 13, 2011

    come on, baby wright! we all want to meet you!!!

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