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Why I hate the Tooth Fairy, Part 1

2013 October 22
by Pamela

Not only will these rants, I mean posts, serve as an anthem against the tooth fairy, but I intend for them also to be Public Service Announcements (PSAs) for parents of small children.  Let this be a warning to you, new parents.  Learn from my folly.

Bob and I never got into the Santa or Easter Bunny thing with the girls.    We don’t think there is anything wrong with them; it just wasn’t our thing.  But when Mary Claire’s first tooth was loose, she was adamant the tooth fairy WAS coming to our house.  We decided we’d indulge in this little fantasy.

I’m not sure why, but our kids get their teeth (and hence lose their teeth) early.   Remember this?

When Mary Claire’s quest to get an American Girl doll as her “award” for losing her first tooth proved unsuccessful, she went to bed and put the tooth under her pillow.

Now I know myself and my limitations as a parent.  I’m forgetful.  And lazy.  I also know Mary Claire’s limitations.  She never forgets anything.  And holds grudges.  So as soon as she got into bed I got some cash out and left it on the floor, outside our bedroom so I would not forget.  I waited a good long while, then crept into their room.  She was in the top bunk at the time,  and her sweet sleeping face was eye level with mine.  I quietly slipped my hand with the money under her pillow –


“MOMMY?!!”  she said, blinking a few times, “You’re THE TOOTH FAIRY?!!?”

Me, sighing and defeated, “Yes.”

She sat upright and I wasn’t sure what to expect.  Tears?  Her expressing feelings of betrayal?  Great disappointment?

“Okay, can I have the money?” she said eagerly and quickly deposited it in a wallet and purse she has laid next to her for the very occasion.

So right from the beginning I knew this fairy business was dumb.  Who’s bright idea was it to put the tooth and money under the pillow?  Not any parent, I can tell you that.

PSA:  If you are going to proceed with the Tooth Fairy business, lay the ground work early.  Get yourself a little bowl and put it out on the counter next to your coffee pot.  Tell your kids the Tooth Fairy only pays for teeth found in that bowl by 8 a.m. in the morning.  And keep a stash of a few bucks handy so you don’t end up like my girlfriend.   When her daughter lost her first tooth, the only cash she had on her was a $20 bill.  Now that’s an expensive precedent.




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